How to manage isolation and create connections.
By Britt Frank MSW, LSCSW, SEP
For children, meaningful connections develop naturally over time due to frequency of contact and proximity to each other. The further away adolescents move from each other, the greater the chance of the friendship evaporating. A research study on adolescent friendships found, “the log-odds of friendship existence and friendship dynamics decrease smoothly with the logarithm of distance.” This phenomenon is not limited to children and teens. Unless you still have the same friends with whom you grew up, it can feel difficult and frustrating as an adult to build and sustain friendships.
I spoke with keynote speaker and human connection expert Jessica Encell Coleman, who has spent the last 15 years on a deep dive journey into the art and science of creating and sustaining extraordinary relationships at the individual, team, and organizational levels. She told me, “People think that great connection is something that will just happen over time, but it’s actually something we can create by design.” Here are five strategies Coleman recommends to create new connections:
1. Greet People With Best Friend Energy
The initial moments of meeting someone are crucial for setting the tone of your interaction. Imagine someone approaching you with open arms, a big warm smile, and an inviting energy. This kind of greeting can instantly establish a positive atmosphere. “Best friend energy” doesn’t mean codependence or lack of boundaries, but by bringing warmth and kindness to the interaction as if you were greeting a best friend. By setting the tone of early interactions, you create conditions for a closer connection. This approach signals to the other person’s nervous system that you are here to connect, celebrate, and uplift them. It’s a small effort with a significant impact.
2. Notice Their Superpowers
Coleman emphasizes the importance of recognizing the strengths and superpowers of the people you meet. Think of yourself as a detective on a mission to uncover the greatness in everyone around you. When you focus on seeing the best in others, they feel it. Genuinely naming and reflecting these superpowers can deepen your connection. By acknowledging and appreciating the unique qualities of those around you, you build a foundation of mutual respect and admiration.
3. Embrace the Power of Play
Plato once said, “We can learn more about a person in an hour of play than a year of conversation.” Bringing a spirit of creativity and playfulness into your interactions can ease social anxiety and accelerate connection. Coleman says, “play allows us to relate in the moment, fostering spontaneous and genuine connections. Whether through games, humor, or shared activities, play creates an environment where people can connect authentically and joyfully.” Research backs up this statement. An article in the British Psychological Society says, “There is indeed now a small body of research indicating play-related benefits in relation to various aspects of adult life, including our work.” An a National Library of Medicine article echoes that statement. “Play is recognized as a means to relieve stress and protect psychological wellbeing.”
4. Ask Meaningful Questions
Great connections don’t just happen; they are cultivated through meaningful conversations. Coleman suggests asking questions that invite deep and thoughtful responses. Focusing on topics like wins, celebrations, and gratitudes can open the door to heartfelt exchanges. Example questions include: What is something amazing you’ve learned recently? What are you proud of? What’s inspiring you right now? What are you grateful for this week? These questions encourage reflection and sharing, paving the way for a deeper connection.
5. Continue the Connection With a Gratitude Message
Meaningful connections extend beyond face-to-face interactions. Taking the time to express your gratitude after spending time with someone can strengthen your bond. Jessica Coleman highlights the power of follow-up gratitude messages. By sending a gratitude message, you give yourself and the other person the opportunity to relive and appreciate your shared moments. This simple act can double the impact of your time together, reinforcing the connection.
By implementing these strategies and drawing inspiration from Coleman’s expertise, you can create meaningful connections that enrich your life and the lives of those around you. William Jennings Bryan said, “Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.” The same can be said for connection. You have the power to turn strangers into friends, bringing magic into your everyday interactions.
This article was published on Psychology Today. Content may be edited for style and length.
